Long-Distance Grandparents

Creative and Fun Ways to Stay in Touch

By Lisa Marie Meltzer

Going over the river and through the woods to visit Grandma's house has taken on a new meaning. The increased number of geographically distant families means long-distance relationships for many grandparents and grandchildren.

Disheartening as it may seem to live far apart, the role of a grandparent is still important in a child's life. "Extraordinary outcomes occur when families recognize that the significance of the grandchild/grandparent relationship is more than a biological one," says Jane Terry, manager of Focus Over Fifty.

Children crave stability and security. Even grandparents living far away can provide this for their grandchildren. "We need to be involved in our grandchildren's lives and lift them up in constant prayer, encouragement and companionship," says Terry. "We need to openly share our life experiences with them and never talk at them or down to them."

Sharing your hobbies and family history and being a good listener can bridge the miles between you. Loma Silcott, of Rapid City, S.D., and her husband have 11 grandchildren scattered across the Midwest. Yet the miles that separate them don't deter them from enjoying a close relationship with their grandchildren. "Grandparenting can be very important because the grandparent often is able to give the child experiences that the parents either don't have the time or money to do," says Silcott. "This can include trips, needed medical treatment and more."

Despite earnest efforts by grandparents, some grandchildren will show a lack of interest. "Many times grandparents take even the smallest bit of disinterest from their grandchildren as a signal that they aren't loved or something awful is wrong," says Terry.

However, the opposite is probably true. Depending upon your grandchild's age, letter correspondence and phone calls may require the assistance of an adult. Perhaps the parents are busy and unable to help their child write a letter or make a phone call. Also, children are exceptionally busy. "We helped produce a generation of ultra-busy and preoccupied adults, and now that they are parents, our grandkids are following suit," says Terry.

Terry suggests talking to the parents if you feel like you're losing touch. "We cannot get our total affirmation via our grandchildren," says Terry. "If we are hurt by what we view as relationship neglect, we should attempt to talk with our adult children about it rather than making our grandchildren feel guilty."

It's a safe bet that your grandchildren enjoy the letters, phone calls and gifts in the mail, even if you don't hear back from them right away. Keep trying and remain consistent.

Want to see more?

• Planting the Seed: Growing Memories With Grandkids
• From Grandma With Love: A Legacy of Values
• Homemade Fun: Games to Make Then Play With Your Grandchild
• Talk about it!