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Raising Generations
Does Your Discipline Style Affect Your Grandchildren? By Kim Byrum Skinner
"Since I see ours as more of a benign dictatorship style, I would say this about democracy: It puts kids and parents on the same level," she says. "I think this is OK in some circumstances, but I feel strongly that children need to have parents who will lay down and enforce firm boundaries. Without over-generalizing, I've seen Boomers be somewhat self-absorbed, to the detriment of providing strong parental leadership."
Orahood is equally skeptical of strong dictatorships for equally valid reasons.
"I feel it may produce children who never learn to make decisions on their own," she says. "They've always been told what to do, as if they have no opinions or choices. When they get older and have to think for themselves, they may not know how to handle certain situations and may follow the wrong crowds or make wrong decisions."
"I really think they're still just trying to make their children's lives better, just like their parents did for them," she says. "It just depends on each family. The ones who are instilling values and spirituality into their children's lives are doing better than the ones who have taught their children to believe in 'whatever makes them feel good.' One thing that I remember hearing when I raised my kids was, 'Never underestimate your children, and never overreact to what they say or do.' That kind of sums it up."
Just more evidence, Bloir insists, that successful parenting is best served medium-well. The focus should be on teaching and guiding, not power and scolding.
"In American society, we value democratic decision-making," he says. "In the family, we want to encourage parents to help their kids develop self-direction and self-control, and understand the responsibility that goes along with that. One way is to make sure your kids have established limits that they know the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. As they grow older, it's important for them to participate with parents, coming up with rules and consequences of breaking or violating those boundaries. In doing so, parents are engaging their kids in critical thinking, negotiation and compromise all skills important to living in American society."
