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Keeping Cousins Close
Grandparents' Role in Building Their Grandkids' Relationships By Sue Poremba
Elaine Fantle Shimberg has 10 grandchildren who range in age from 2 to 13. Although four of the children are the same age, the gap between the youngest and the oldest can mean that the cousins grow up barely knowing each other. As their grandmother, Shimberg feels some responsibility when it comes to making sure her grandchildren have a relationship with each other.
"I keep them close by having Sunday night dinners, as all but one live in the same town," says Shimberg, author of Blending Families: A Guide for Parents, Stepparents and Everyone Building a Successful New Family (Berkley Publishing Group, 1999). "I have teas for the girls, and I invite them over often to play. We have an annual Chanukah party for all the kids that my daughter-in-law hosts. I host a Mother's Day brunch with everyone, as well as Thanksgiving, Christmas and Passover dinners. We eat a lot!"
Thirty or40 years ago, it was common for families to live close to each other, or at least within easy driving distance. Sure, maybe there was the set of relatives that lived an airplane ride away, but many families were tight and cousins knew each other. Also, if the aunts and uncles were close in age, chances were good that the cousins would also be close in age.
However, in today's society, families are scattered all over the country or even the world. The age gap between cousins also seems to be growing. In my own family, for example, my daughter is 21 years older than her newest cousins. Although it is pointless to mourn for the close cousin relationships that we may have had as children, we would like our children to have some sort of positive connection with their cousins.
