Holiday De-stress

Decking the Halls Without Blowing a Gasket

By Mark Stackpole

Have you ever been tempted to hang the Christmas lights on the tree without bothering to untie the huge knot the strand became when you put them away last year? Would you rather spend hours untangling it than go to a toy store at any time during the months of November and December? Can you tell the difference between the perfect smelly lotion for your wife's stocking and any other smelly lotion?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then you are definitely a man and probably a dad. For as much joy that gets spread during the holiday season, there is also something else going around it is nasty, contagious and can ruin the whole holiday season vibe if you let it. Yes, being stressed can make you feel like your holiday spirit has caught a wicked flu.

At this time of year, there is additional stress in everyone's lives, from traffic and airport travel to dealing with extended (but beloved and often slightly crazed) family. There is shopping, cleaning, cooking and decorating to do. While dads are not often solely responsible for completing these tasks, moms need to count on some help. Let's face it sometimes decking the halls can lead to blowing a gasket.

Jim Petroff, a bank vice president from San Jose, Calif., has learned firsthand the benefits and drawbacks of big holiday get-togethers. The father of two, Petroff and his wife Jennifer, along with Kira, 5, and Aidan, 1, have been working on a system to make sure a sense of obligation does not overshadow what is supposed to be fun during the holiday season.

"In-laws are part of the package when you get married," says Petroff. "Hopefully you've had plenty of time to get used to them over the years. Most people have to figure out a schedule. We spend time with my family on Thanksgiving, Jen's family on Christmas Eve and step-family on Christmas Day."

When it comes to attending or hosting holiday parties, Petroff's advice to dads and families is simple: Don't do it if you're not prepared to commit to the experience. "Limit yourselves to one event per weekend, and don't host your own unless you know that you can manage the stress," he says. "If you are open to hosting a larger event, it can make things nicer. Everyone brings something to lighten the preparation load, and more branches of the family get to share in the spirit of the season."

As for shopping, the Petroffs and their extended family "draw names out of a hat" to reduce shopping stress. They also keep the focus on buying gifts for the smaller children, where the giving (and shopping) experience is more enjoyable.

Want to see more?

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• Blending Family Traditions
• Talk about it!