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Playing Favorites
When Grandparents Appear to Favor One Grandchild By Sue Marquette Poremba
In turn, parents need to explain to their children that it is more important to be equitable than equal. Treating each child identically is virtually impossible; it takes away the child's individuality and unique relationship with the grandparent.
However, says Ken Black, a grandfather in Chicago, there are ways to make each grandchild feel special. Here are just a few:
- Be an active listener by picking up on what each child is saying.
- Learn each child's favorite treat and make sure it is on hand whenever the child visits.
- Find special time for each grandchild, whether in person, with phone calls or with e-mails.
- Have a special activity for each grandchild, something that only the two of you share.
- Make sure each child is displayed prominently and equally around the home. Nothing makes a child feel worse than seeing pictures of one cousin or sibling around the house but none of her.
Lauren Teegarden, founderand editor of The Grandparent Connection a Web site and newsletter geared to improve the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren,adds that grandparents should make sure that all gifts are equal in monetary value. "If one child receives a gift worth $50 for his birthday, then another grandchild should receive a gift of equal value," she says.
In the end, says Teegarden, "Remember that every grandchild wants to be loved, and it is up to the grandparent to create the time for this!"
*Names changed to protect privacy.