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A "Step" in the Right Direction

Taking an Active Role as Stepgrandparent

By Sue Marquette Poremba

When my dad married my stepmother, they created a modern version of the Brady Bunch. Each parent had three children (with a breakdown of three girls and three boys).

At the time of the wedding, our ages ranged from 8 to 25, with three of the children still living at home. As we new siblings got to know each other, there were other relationships to consider, as well. We all now had an extra set of grandparents. Plus, my stepmother became an instant grandma herself, even though her youngest was only a few years older than her new stepgranddaughter.

Like many other family relationships, the face of stepgrandparents has changed over the past decade. For many years, a stepgrandparent was your stepfather's or stepmother's parent, someone you may never have had a relationship with. However, more frequently family dynamics are similar to the one in my own extended family: The adults of my generation are in stable, long-term marriages, but it is our parents who are remarried. This can change the stepgrandparent-stepgrandchild relationship.

"When a grandparent remarries and a stepgrandparent enters the family that way, I think the relationship with the stepgrandkids tends to be closer," says Brette McWhorter Sember, author of How to Parent with Your Ex (Sourcebooks, 2005). "If Grandma comes over for Christmas, stepgrandpa does, too. But when you are talking about the parent of a stepparent, there is an extra layer of distance in there."

Want to see more?

• Check out our Article Library.
• Good Grandparents: Changing with the Times
• Unexpected Blessings: Becoming a Stepgrandparent
• When Parents Divorce: Keeping Communication Alive with Your Grandchildren
• Talk about it!

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