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A "Step" in the Right Direction
Taking an Active Role as Stepgrandparent
By Sue Marquette Poremba
This follows the experiences of New York City resident Danielle Lerner, whose parents divorced when she was a young girl. After her father remarried, Lerner had new stepgrandparents.
"The grandfather was a nice guy, but he was just there," Lerner says. "He didn't really have any say."
The grandmother, however, made sure Lerner never forgot the "step" in the relationship. "Once at a toy store, she told her grandchildren and me to pick out any toy," Lerner says. "When I picked out my toy, she said to tell my mother I wanted it. I had to put it back on the shelf, while her grandchildren went home with the toys they chose."
Like Lerner's father, her mother, Kathy Goldfein of Queens, also remarried and became a stepmother. Although she had some bumpy times with her stepdaughters, being a stepgrandmother has been nothing but a joy for her. She's always been part of her stepgrandchildren's lives, which is another factor in the quality of the relationship between stepgrandparents and stepgrandchildren.
The age when the stepgrandparent is brought into the child's life does matter, according to Scott Browning, professor of psychology at Chestnut Hill College. "Younger children are easier to connect with, while adolescents have a tougher time," Browning says.
Adolescence is difficult enough without adding a new set of relatives. Teenagers are often seen as surly and uncooperative, particularly to adults who have no history with the young person. Small children, o the other hand, are often precocious and can easily win over the hearts of their new stepgrandparents.
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