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Keeping Cousins Close
Grandparents' Role in Building Their Grandkids' Relationships By Sue Poremba
And who better to facilitate these relationships than the grandparents?
Grandparents the Glue That BindsGrandparents are often the neutral ground within families. While siblings of the middle generation may have arguments or issues with each other, the grandparents' house is a safe haven. The children can go there without the parents being involved. For the sake of developing a connection between the cousins, it is probably better not to have the middle generation around.
"Children have a different type of relationship with the grandparents than they do with the parents," Gray says. Grandchildren are usually more open and relaxed around the grandparents. There are fewer family politics at play when no middle generation is around.
One thing that grandparents can do to promote a closeness between cousins is to encourage them to do fun things together, such as Desiree Koh's grandmother did with her grandchildren.
"As a Chinese matriarch, my grandmother is an ace mahjong player," says Koh, now living in Chicago, but originally from Singapore. "Although I've played it for several years, it is only recently that my cousins picked it up from my grandma. When we were all home during Chinese New Year, my grandmother hosted mahjong sessions and tutorials at her house, and we found yet another way to enjoy hanging out with each other. Everyone's instant addiction to the game inspired us to put time aside whenever possible during the two weeks that Chinese New Year is celebrated to play the game. My grandmother found a way to ensure that cousins always come first, despite careers, relationships and adventures around the world."
Gray suggests that grandparents make use of technology to keep cousins connected with each other. Grandma and Grandpa don't have to be computer geniuses, but if they know how to send an e-mail, they can set up an internet newsletter or conversation involving the grandchildren. In turn, grandchildren who may only see each other once a year will learn to feel comfortable with each other and begin to build relationships on their own.