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Keeping Cousins Close
Grandparents' Role in Building Their Grandkids' Relationships By Sue Poremba
Mix It UpSome grandparents feel that one way to generate a good relationship between cousins is to take them out of their familiar surroundings.
Brian Shea, public relations manager at Villa Julie College, is the youngest of eight children. His parents had 22 grandchildren.
"My parents were insistent on keeping their grandchildren close," Shea says. "So when the grandkids turned 10, they got to go on a trip in a pair with their Nannie and Pop. When my dad died, one of my older sisters stepped in as the other chaperone. When Mom's health started to fail, two other adults would go with her. She was unable to go on the most recent trip last year, but she made provisions in her will so that the final three trips will take place. As time has gone on, the trips have become more important for the family unity because the cousins most likely didn't spend as much time together as the first few groups."
What about those families where the age gap between cousins is large?
Gray suggests the grandparents mix the kids within smaller groups, such as a teenager with a pre-school-aged cousin.
"Take just the two of them where the teenager has to be the guide or mentor for the younger one," Gray says. She also recommends not blending siblings on these times with Grandma and Grandpa. The idea is to get cousins to know each other and form a bond.
"We tend to be more isolated from our family of origin," Gray says. "We don't always value the role of the wise elder. It is up to the grandparent to pass along family history and values."
And one of the best ways that grandparents can share family history and values is to nurture the natural bond between cousins.