quick clicks

grandparents today articles

grandparents today q&a

community & groups

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

Incontinent Conversations

Talking About Incontinence Among Supportive Friends

By Lyn Mettler

Embarrassment aside, what words do you actually use to begin the discussion? Muller suggests focusing on how the incontinence is affecting your quality of life. For example, you might start by mentioning how you have to get up several times every night and, as a result, you are tired. Your friend or family member will inevitably ask why, giving you the opportunity to explain you simply have to use the bathroom a lot.

Or perhaps you could tell a friend that you haven't been able to work out lately and have put on a few pounds. When she asks why you haven't been exercising, you can explain that it causes you to experience stress incontinence. "Worry less about talking about the bladder itself and talk more about how your quality of life is being impaired," says Muller.

Additionally, honesty is the best policy, says Bartell. "It is best to be as honest as possible," she says. "I think that most people would be surprised to find that this is not such a shocking thing for others to hear and that they will generally be supportive and non-judgmental."

And remember, if talking about incontinence just doesn't feel right to you, don't worry about it. "Some people feel most comfortable being very private about incontinence," says Bartell. "They don't have the need or desire to share this with others, except a spouse. This is fine too if it is what feels best."