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Raising Generations
Does Your Discipline Style Affect Your Grandchildren? By Kim Byrum Skinner
Throughout history, parenting styles have followed a predictable ebb and flow, morphing from dictatorship to democracy to anything-goes-permissiveness as times and attitudes change.
"You can trace these [patterns] over time," Bloir says. "In the 1920s, '30s and '40s, the authoritarian style is the one that worked very well for the culture we had at the time. We went to work and responded, 'Yes, sir,' 'No, sir' and 'What can I do for you, sir?' In the '60s, a civil rights movement brought voice to people who didn't have a voice and rights to people who didn't have rights. That spilled over into child-rearing and more permissive parenting. In the '80s the pendulum swung back to the strict side. Now, we're going less strict. Ideally, there needs to be a middle ground. You can't be overly controlling or overly permissive."
"Providing limits and fair rules for the children gave them a sense of security," says Anglin, a Livingston, Mont., resident. "It also gave them a chance to rebel and try out their independence in a fairly safe surrounding. As the children grew and demonstrated the ability to handle more responsibility and freedom, they were given more of both."
Kathy Orahood, 50, also strives for a healthy middle, saying she's raised her children, ages 29, 26 and 18, with equal doses of dictatorship and democracy.
"We set rules and [communicate] how we expect our children to behave and act, but we also listen to their opinions," the Enon, Ohio, resident explains. "I take into consideration their feelings and thoughts, and I take the time to think about what they have expressed. Sometimes, we make adjustments because, as parents, we don't always have all the right answers."
At issue with overly permissive approaches, Anglin says, are the drive-though families they create households with few rules, connections or dinner table discussions.