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Tough Love
Living with Your Child and Grandchild
By Laura Paul
Assuming their child does not have a life-threatening disease or disability, grandparents might want to consider taking their child and grandchildren into the home on a temporary basis. They can help their son or daughter in crisis and lay the groundwork for helping them become independent.
Houtman says grandparents also need to know when to call it quits. If their grandchild is being unruly and the parent is not able to solve the problem, the grandchild might need to find other living arrangements.
"If you keep trying to do the same thing over and over again and it's not working, sometimes it's inherent in the environment and the kid is not going to be able to respond to it," Houtman says. "If they have tried all other avenues like family counseling, sometimes the most loving thing to do is say, 'Look you need to go somewhere else.' I've seen it where the kid goes to live with the other parent. In my experience they don't stay there very long. They come back with a new attitude."
If the grandchild does decide to move in with another relative in the area or another state, be firm about the expectations if the grandchild should return. Make a plan on paper stating the circumstances in which the grandchild could return, the expectations and requirements.
Continue to show love and support by offering a listening ear and not being critical. Stay involved with the grandchild's school and hobbies. Meanwhile, take advantage of the breather by pursuing long lost goals, taking a trip and trying something your grandchild may have unknowingly taught you: How to put yourself first.