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Tying a New Knot
How Grandparent Remarriage Affects You and Your Family By Becky Lane
When my parents announced after decades of being single that they were each getting remarried, my family and I were thrilled and shocked. We were happy to know my mom and dad had each found someone to spend the rest of their lives with, but actually letting it sink in took some time.
"When grandparents remarry, there is joy, and there is also loss and transition for anyone and everyone involved," says relationship expert April Masini, author of Think and Date Like a Man (iUniverse, 2005). Whether through death or divorce, the remarriage of Grandma or Grandpa can have a big impact on everyone in the family.
So what issues can you expect to encounter along the path of grandparent matrimony?
In most cases, very young children will also accept the change readily. Our girls and their cousins are young, all under age 4, and they immediately accepted the idea of one more grandparent. Even though I was happy for my parents, it wasn't as easy for me.
Karise Mace of Erie, Pa., agrees. Mace's widowed mother remarried in 2005, and she says the transition has definitely been more difficult for her and her husband than for their three girls, ages 6 1/2, 4 1/2 and 3. "Our children have done remarkably well with the change," she says. "My mom's new husband is good at being a grandpa, and he and the kids have really warmed to each other. [But] because he is so different from my dad, his relationship with my mom is different than my parents' relationship was. I was really close with my dad and am still mourning his death. I find it very difficult to try to cultivate a relationship with my mom's new husband because I don't really feel ready for his presence in my life."