- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- grandparents today articles
- grandparents today q&a
- community & groups
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
From Our Sponsors
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Expert Q&A
 |  |  |
| By Paul Coleman Psychologist Family Therapist | ||
 |
If your spouse or loved one is depressed about their incontinence, what is the best way to help them?
Don't automatically try to talk them out of their feelings. That may seem counter-intuitive but if someone feels depressed and we tell them not to be, they often feel we just don't understand. Better to first verbalize what makes sense to you about how they feel. Something like, "I can understand why you feel that way ... I imagine if I had this problem I might feel that way, too..." Just let those words linger; don't quickly follow them up with "But you should try to feel better, do more things, etc." A comment that is phrased as, "I understand, BUT..." is really a comment that you do not understand. After you have validated their feelings, you can get on the topic of what to do about it. "Even though your feelings make sense, I'm worried that you might stay depressed and limit your activities.""
Related Expert Q&A
- What are the main causes of urinary incontinence in the elderly?
- My child found my mother's package of Depends and asked why she wears grown-up diapers. What is the best way to handle this? Is honesty always the best policy?
- My mother is 84 and has urinary incontinence. I would especially appreciate any information you could offer on odor control.
- I care for my elderly mother and sometimes I get very frustrated, though don't want to take it out on her. How can I release my frustrations without affecting my mother?
- What can happen to someone who suffers from incontinence and decides to remain indoors and not socialize for fear of having an accident in public?
More Answers by this Expert
- How do I deal with being dependent on my partner after supporting myself for so long?
- My new baby is very fussy and not sleeping well, which is getting my wife, who is recovering from her C-section, frazzled. How can I help my wife muster the stamina to make it through this time?
- How can I stop my 4 year old from ignoring me?
- Is it appropriate for an 8-year-old girl to sleep in her father?s bed?
- My daughter recently started seeing a psychologist. Is it best she see him alone, or is family therapy more appropriate, even if the problem revolves around school?