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Expert Q&A

	By Paul Coleman Psychologist Family Therapist

If you want to remain active but your spouse wants to stay home for fear of having an accident, how do you find a happy medium?

I think a spouse needs to be willing to do some things on their own, even if their partner wants to stay behind. Don't get critical if your mate wants to stay behind, just be willing to adapt the plans so you don't have to give up some things you enjoy. I would not push your spouse to go to events or places that would be the most difficult for him/her. The goal is for the person to learn the limits of what they can do, not automatically give in to their fears. You cannot force them to face their fears. You can only encourage them and not make it "easy" for them by routinely giving up your plans for their sake. I guess I advocate a "tough love" approach. Be understanding and compassionate, but do not enable them to stay isolated and inactive."

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