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Expert Q&A

	By Paul Coleman Psychologist Family Therapist

What can happen to someone who suffers from incontinence and who decides to remain indoors and not socialize for fear of leaking?

Not socializing and restricting one's lifestyle will have three major consequences. First, depression will increase. We simply become more depressed when we stop doing things that would ordinarily brighten our day or make us feel connected to others. Severely restricting one's socializing will increase negative views about the future. By restricting activities and not learning to cope with the inconvenience and possible embarrassment of leaking, one begins to feel helpless. Helplessness fuels depression. Depression makes a person less motivated to make positive changes. A vicious cycle develops.

A second consequence is a rise in anticipatory anxiety. A person who limits what she does and where she goes – who basically avoids situations that might cause embarrassment – is strengthening the underlying fear. That happens for two reasons. First, avoidance leads to lack of practice in successful coping, so a person maintains her apprehensiveness. Second, by avoiding social experiences the person says to themselves, "Had I gone, I would have embarrassed myself," and the negative outlook is reinforced.

A third consequence is family conflict. Spouses, adult children, etc., will get frustrated over time since their activities will necessarily be limited, too."

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