quick clicks

grandparents today articles

grandparents today q&a

community & groups

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

Expert Q&A

	By Joshua Coleman, Ph.D. Psychologist

I have my granddaughter overnights most weekends, because my daughter works third shift at a second job. My granddaughter told me that she has had sex and that everyone is and that I am just too old to see that it's no big deal. I told my daughter about this, and my daughter says it's no big deal, that she was doing it at 14 too. I feel like I failed my daughter in so many ways, and I want to make a difference with my granddaughter. How can I help when I only have quality time with her two days a week?

Since her mother has weighed in as accepting her daughter's sexual behavior, your options are limited. If you've truly failed your daughter in the past, I'm concerned about your stressing your relationship with her by being worried about her daughter's sexual behavior, since she's made it clear that she disagrees with you. It's good that your granddaughter feels close enough to confide in you. Therefore, I'd be careful to keep that channel open. If she'll tell you, find out who these boys are, ask if she's using contraception, see if she'll tell you about her drug and alcohol behavior (be careful not to overreact if she tells you). Don't be so worried or critical that she decides not to confide in you. In other words, the best thing that you can do is help her to think about her behavior in the broadest possible way. You want to think of yourself as more of a consultant than a manager of her. Most importantly, let her know that you love her and that you don't judge her.

View more Q&A by this Expert