728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Home › Expert Q&A › Parenting Grandchildren › My grandmother, who has extreme physical limitations, is insisting she take care of her very first great-grandson. How do I tell her no?

Expert Q&A

 

By Paul Coleman
Psychologist Family Therapist

My grandmother, who has extreme physical limitations, is insisting she take care of her very first great-grandson. How do I tell her no?

The situation you are describing happens in quite a few families these days. Often, the elderly person is in denial about their limitations or does not have the cognitive capacity to understand their own limitations that fully. When you ask, "How do I tell her?" you are probably asking, "How do I tell her and not hurt her feelings?" There may not be a way to avoid her feelings being hurt.

I suggest you start by pointing out to your grandmother the limitations that she is already aware of. Perhaps she has commented on her difficulty walking or her forgetfulness. Bring to her attention any complaint she has made about her own mental and physical condition and use those complaints as the basis for your decision that she should not be a caretaker for your son. Say something like, "Remember when you told me how you are sometimes unsteady on your feet? Remember when you tripped and nearly fell? Because that happens I do not want to take the chance you will fall while holding the baby."

Certainly, your grandmother may be able to hold or feed the baby while remaining seated and while being supervised. Any activity with the baby that you feel she can handle she should be allowed to do. There are other ways you can make her feel special. Give her a framed photo of her with the baby. Let the baby wear a T-shirt or bib that says "I love Great-Grandma."

You can also ask your other relatives to support you on this by talking to your grandmother and reaffirming your decision."

Related Expert Q&A

More Answers by this Expert

View more Q&A by this Expert